Love Life
Want to revitalize your marriage or make your family happier? Spend some time scrapbooking! This is probably the exact opposite advice my husband would give if he were asked how our relationship and family could be improved, but I've got science on my side and I'm going to
share some secrets with you.
We all know that scrapbooking is one of the best ways to recognize and celebrate the blessings in our lives. After reading 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by David H. Niven, Ph.D., I gained a whole new perspective on my marriage. Thanks to this book, I discovered five facets of my relationship that I just had to preserve in my scrapbook.
Would you like a few new reasons (er, excuses) to skip the laundry, dishes, or trip to Chuck E. Cheese and create a scrapbook page or five? Read on!
{discovery #1} A Sense of Humor Helps
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Supplies: patterned paper (from WalMart kit) • stickers (October Afternoon, Reminisce) • index card • 12 x 12 layout by Katie Scott |
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"When both partners in a relationship thought the other had a good sense of humor, 67 percent less conflict was reported than in couples where neither thought the other had a good sense of humor." ~100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships
I’ve always been attracted to funny men and to smart men, and my husband Charlie is the complete package. His fun sense of humor shows up in everything from calling me ridiculous pet names (like "Pelicantharus" and "Pinkalotian"); to making Peeps and other inanimate objects talk; to wearing Mario pajamas on Christmas morning while happily receiving a Ken Doll as a present (so he could finally play Barbies with our daughter).
When I first met Charlie, he vowed he would never wear any kind of costume, but since then he's dressed up for countless parties and trick-or-treating outings. For my 36th birthday, which fell on 06/06/06, we had an ‘80s style "Its the End of the World As We Know It" party, and he spent 5 hours getting professional hair extensions so he looked like he had a real mullet. It was quite a birthday surprise!
The Takeaway: Make a list of your partner's funniest traits, habits, quirks, and sayings. Gain a renewed appreciation for everything he does to make you smile, and document your thoughts on a scrapbook page.
{discovery #2} You Need Some "Couple Friends"
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Supplies:
cardstock • rubons (K&Company) • patterened paper and label (Colorbok) • 8½ x 11 layout by Katie Scott |
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"In addition to your personal friends, you should try to form some relationship friends—other couples with common interests who can interact as a couple with you and your partner. Relationship friends help ground us in the importance of our relationship and give us a fun and healthy outlet for activities built around other people but that include our partner."
~100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships
For many years now, Charlie I have been throwing "family friendly" parties for our friends on Friday nights. The kids get to play with each other and the adults get to socialize, and we often end up playing music (we have a music room at the end of our family room complete with a mic so that all our musician friends—including Charlie—can play in our living room). These family friendly parties help our whole family to relax and have fun with friends, and as such, they deserve to be documented in my scrapbooks! This layout features several pictures taken at our parties over the years, and I turned it into a love letter to let Charlie know just how many people care about him. Tip: I used Google's Picasa "Face Finder" feature to quickly locate pictures of Charlie with different family members and friends.
The Takeaway: Think about the "couple friends"—whether they be siblings, in-laws, work colleagues, friends, or neighbors—who bring joy and inspiration to your relationship. Include as many of them as you can on a layout.
{Discovery #3} Housework is Meant to be Shared
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Supplies: cardstock • stickers (KI Memories, October Afternoon); letters (Heidi Grace, Marcella by K); • 12 x 12 layout by Katie Scott |
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"Couples who share housework duties report they are 19 percent more satisfied in their relationship than couples in which one partner does the vast majority of the work.”
~100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships
Our housekeeper finished college and left us to get a real job, and instead of replacing her, we decided to take on the housework ourselves. Despite how busy we were already as partners in a law firm and parents of two children, the sharing of the housework has become somewhat of a bonding task in our home; we feel like we're on the same team and that’s a good thing. We are also big fans of the "10-minute tidy"—a concept we picked up from a PBS kids' show.
Note: The upper-right photo of Charlie makes me giggle a bit because he wasn't all that mad about getting the groceries; he was annoyed with me because I was taking his picture instead of putting them away!
The Takeaway: Use this prompt as an excuse to shift a few household duties so you and your spouse are working side-by-side more often, and find ways to make your joint efforts fun! Take a few photos of your new household routine (or hand the camera to your hubby) and make a page.
{Discovery #4} Don't Be Bound By Tradition
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Supplies: cardstock • patterened paper (KI Memories) • rubon (K&Company) • sticker (October Afternoon) • number stickers (K&Company) • 12 x 12 layout by Katie Scott
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"How many times have we heard a parent, grandparent, or other senior person tell us about how they did things in their day? We have so much exposure to traditional ideas and behaviors that we are almost forced to assume that they are both important and reasonable. In reality,...for a relationship to function and thrive, we must live within our OWN standards.”
~100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships
Having the family portrait taken at Christmas time is very important to me. Having grown up in a divorced family, I’ve always envied intact families that seemed so “perfect” from the outside. I still have this picture in my head of a traditional family and how things ought to be done, and getting an annual family picture taken by a professional photographer is something I was always quite rigid about. But I've become more flexible over the years. These days we skip the portrait studio, and I take our own picture with the self-timer. My family has accepted that this is a non-negotiatable activity in my world, but I have been flexible in changing my expectations about what kind of picture we take.
The Takeaway: As a scrapbooker, you're more aware of family traditions than most people are. After all, you've been preserving and documenting them for years! Allow yourself to forge your own traditions and adapt or abandon those that no longer work for your family. And make sure you're documenting the traditions that mean the most to you.
{discovery #5} See The Horizon, Watch Your Step
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Supplies: patterned paper, chipboard letters, embellishments (We Are Memory Keepers) • journaling pen (Sharpie) • 12 x 12 layout by Katie Scott |
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"People in satisfying relationships were five times more likely to have a long-term perspective on their life, actively thinking about the long-term future of instead of looking only at the short term.” ~100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships
Charlie's parents have been married for 67 years, and mine divorced when I was five. Despite these two very different backgrounds, we both came to our marriage with a very strong commitment to having a marriage that lasted forever. Because we've had a deep belief that we're in it “for the long haul,” we've always been able to fix our eyes on the big picture. I think this allows us to overlook some of the imperfections of daily life and forgive each other more easily and quicker than if we didn't have this long-term view.
We both grew up boating, so we became familiar the phrase "keep your eyes on the horizon" at a very early age. I can't help feeling nostalgic when I hear Charlie saying this same phrase to our kids, knowing that we'll pass along the long marriage legacy that Charlie's parents have given us.
The Takeaway: Just by being a scrapbooker, you automatically gain that "long-term perspective." You understand how quickly things change. You are taking steps to preserve the past so you can relive precious memories in the future. Embrace this idea and create a layout that reminds you to keep your eyes on the horizon.
Sources
All quotes were pulled from 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It
Niven has written several "Simple Secrets" books that offer scientific explanations for what you can do to be happy, successful, and practically perfect in every way (as Mary Poppins would say). His book 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People
David Nivens, Stacy Julian, and Lain Ehmann all inspired this article, as did Lisa Maxbauer, who featured me in an article titled “How Scrapbooking Saved My Marriage” in First for Women magazine in December.